Before Sunrise
by Light The Darkness contest
Summary: Bella wanted college to be about the books, not the people, but when she's pulled in by handsome seniors Jasper and Edward, everything changes. A Light the Darkness Contest Entry.


**Contest entry for the Light The Darkness contest**

**Title**: Before Sunrise

**Pairing**:Bella/Edward

**Rating**:M for some language

**Summary**: Bella wanted college to be about the books, not the people, but when she's pulled in by handsome seniors Jasper and Edward, everything changes.

**Disclaimer**: The author does not own any publicly recognizable entities herein. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Word Count**: 11687

"Who's that guy?"

Bella looked up from her book. They were sitting on the grass outside their building, under the shade of a lime tree to get out of the scorching August sun. There was no air conditioning in the dorms, and the windows only opened a crack. Bella fanned her flushing face and lifted her long dark hair away from her neck, where it stuck in sweaty strands. The dry grass was like needles under her bare thighs in the cutaway jeans she wore.

"What are you talking about? What guy?" She nudged Jessica Stanley, her new college roommate, a pretty, petite girl with wavy light-brown hair, who always seemed to find something to comment on. Jessica grinned and pointed.

Two guys dressed in sport shorts, with t-shirts slung across their sweaty shoulders, were walking along the path between the co-ed dorm and the boys' dorm, talking and laughing. One was blond and lanky but looked sinewy strong, while the brown-haired one was slightly taller and more broad-shouldered.

Bella shrugged. "I have no idea. Why do you want to know?"

Jessica rolled her eyes. "Because he's gorgeous, that's why! Can't you tell?"

Bella looked over again, and just as the two boys were entering the building, the brown-haired guy turned around as if he felt her eyes on him and looked straight at her. He was too far away for her to be able to tell the color of his eyes, but she could see that he was truly gorgeous: beautiful eyes, bold eyebrows, defined cheekbones and a sensual mouth. She blushed and stared down at the book that was open on her lap.

Jessica giggled. "Wow, Bella. I think you've made an impression."

"Shut up!" Bella hissed, embarrassed as if anyone but herself could hear Jessica's inane comment.

When she chanced another look, the door was shut, and the path was empty. She scrambled up, brushing away dead grass from the back of her legs with one hand.

"Look, I'm going to go to the library. At least it's cooler there. Do you want to come?" Bella didn't expect Jessica to want to spend any unnecessary time in the library since she'd made it clear in the last two days that she was here to party her freshman year away, but she felt it was the polite thing to ask.

Jessica shook her head emphatically. "No way! I'll be stuck in there enough for the rest of this semester, I'm sure. I'm going to stick around and enjoy the sun and people-watch. I can't wait for everything to kick off!" Jessica grinned up at her, wrinkling her nose prettily.

Bella gave Jessica a wan smile, picked up her book-bag and started trudging away in the direction of the library, situated at the far end of Campus Drive. She caught glimpses of Lake Michigan between the buildings as she walked; a shimmering surface of alluring blue-green under the high blue sky. The heat felt oppressive, and she wondered if summer was always like this in the Midwest. Her home town in the Pacific Northwest had hot days too, but never like this. She was already starting to miss the cool green landscape and the grey skies.

Young people were walking in pairs and groups across campus; cars were parked outside dorms where old students returning for another year carried boxes of stuff up to their rooms. Classes were starting tomorrow, and she had so much to prove. Bella looked down at her worn sneakers and hitched her book-bag up higher on her shoulder, frowning. She needed to keep up her excellent grade point average if she wanted to keep her scholarship.

When Bella returned from the quiet and the blessed coolness of the library, the sun was sinking lower, and it was time for dinner. She hesitated for a moment, wondering if it would be a good idea to change before going to the cafeteria, then decided against it. No need to dress up just to get cafeteria food.

She joined the line of students and let the noise from a hundred conversations wash over her as she took in the huge room filled with tables and chairs and people coming and going. Bella picked the least greasy-looking alternative on the menu and took a detour by the salad bar to stock up on fresh vegetables. She was so intent on grappling with the salad tongs that she didn't notice someone standing right next to her until she dropped a cherry tomato that went bouncing off, hitting someone's t-shirt before landing on the floor. She looked up, embarrassed, and felt her jaw drop.

"You want some help with that?" It was the gorgeous guy, and he was smiling at her, a truly devastating, sexy smile. Bella dropped the salad tongs as if they'd burned her hand and scrambled to get her tray.

"No. Sorry. I'm done here. Sorry about the … the tomato," she stuttered, backing away carefully to avoid tripping over her own feet and further embarrassing herself. The gorgeous guy frowned and opened his mouth as if to say something else, but Bella didn't stop to hear it. She turned and walked blindly between the tables with a flushing face until she suddenly saw Jessica waving her over.

With a sigh of relief, Bella dropped her tray and her book bag, sliding into her seat with her eyes on her salad.

"Hey. I see you've already introduced yourself to Edward Cullen, Bella. Way to go!" Jessica raised her hand as if expecting a high-five, but Bella stared stonily at her before picking up her fork and attacking the quiche on her plate.

"I was just telling Jessica here that Edward is the captain of our swim team." Bella looked up and realized that she was sitting next to their Resident Advisor, Angela Weber, a slim dark girl with kind eyes behind black-rimmed glasses.

"Oh. Well, it was Jessica who wanted to know, really. I'm not that interested," Bella said before focusing on chewing and swallowing, trying to turn her mind away from the conversation.

Jessica widened her blue eyes as if Bella was out of her mind. "You've got to be kidding! Edward is like, the most good-looking guy I've seen since we came here. No. Correction: he's the most good-looking guy I've seen, period. How can you not be interested, Bella? Now, spill. Please Angela. Has he got a girlfriend?"

Angela smiled at Jessica's eager question but then frowned as she pushed her glasses higher up on her nose and played with her glass of water.

"Edward dated another junior, a girl called Rosalie Hale, most of his junior year, but they broke up rather spectacularly this spring." She cleared her voice and looked around as if checking that no one was listening before she leaned forward. Bella stopped chewing.

"Rosalie said some pretty harsh things about Edward, but then she's always been very hot-tempered, so I don't know how much stock people put into it." Angela looked around, stiffened, then lowered her head as she spoke.

"Don't look now, but Rosalie is walking over by the salad bar. I haven't seen her before now , so she must have arrived today."

Bella's head snapped around against her will and saw a beautiful, tall blonde girl picking at the salad with a look of contempt on her perfect face. With smooth skin, pouty lips, defined cheekbones and curves like a Playboy model, Rosalie Hale looked exactly like the cheerleader captain of any ugly girl's nightmares.

Bella swallowed and returned her attention to her food, picking listlessly at her grated carrots. Some things obviously never changed. Suddenly losing her appetite, she pushed her chair back and picked up her bag.

"Look, I'll see you guys back at the dorm. I've got some things I need to do. Thanks for the company." Before Jessica could shoot any questions her way, Bella swiftly walked towards the dish disposal, feeling the books thumping against her hip with every stride. After dumping her tray, she made a bee-line for the exit but stopped abruptly as she saw Edward standing there staring, not at her but at Rosalie. They seemed to be having a face-off.

Carefully circling around so as not to catch their attention, Bella slipped by just in time to catch the end of Rosalie's clipped sentences.

"Just stay the fuck away from me, Edward. That's all I ask. And keep it in your pants this year." Bella flushed and hurried away out into the humid evening, pushing images of Edward without his pants out of her mind. So he was a cheater, was that it? Mentally shrugging, Bella decided not to think more about Edward Cullen. The point was moot anyway, since he wouldn't be cheating on her in a million years.

It was a normal Wednesday afternoon in October, and Bella was wrapping her scarf around her throat and getting ready to leave the library when someone stepped between her and the door. She looked up and blanched to see Edward standing in front of her with his hands in his jean pockets, smiling expectantly. She glanced over her shoulder briefly to make sure he wasn't waiting for someone else, but she was alone. She couldn't get away without ducking under his arm, so she decided to tough it out.

"Hey. You're Bella, right?" His smile was contagious.

"Yes, but how … I mean, how do you know my name?" She couldn't stop looking into his eyes that took on a distracting green color under the fluorescent lights. She frowned and chewed on her lower lip but stopped when she saw him staring at her mouth with a strange expression. Like nail biting, it was a nervous habit she'd tried to kick in high school.

"Um, I noticed that you're here in the same spot every day, so I asked the librarian, and she told me who you were."

Bella glanced over at Mrs. Cope, who gave a small encouraging wave when she saw Bella looking.

Bella blushed and turned back to Edward. "Oh. Yes, I do some work here with Mrs. Cope and over at the Psychology department as part of my scholarship. Can I help you with something?"

Edward smiled and gestured at a table nearby, where a group of freshmen were having a study session, talking in low voices among themselves.

"I tutor these freshmen every Wednesday afternoon, and I've seen you sitting in that same spot by the windows for weeks. I thought I'd come over and introduce myself. You know, students with an above 3.5 GPA have a club. You should join us."

Bella was confused and skeptical. How on earth would Edward Cullen know her grade point average? Her confusion came out as sarcasm as she blurted out, "So, what's its name? The Smug Club?"

Edward's beautiful eyes widened, and then he burst out laughing. It was a lovely sound, but Bella felt mortified at her own comment and looked around uncomfortably. Mrs. Cope shook her head but smiled indulgently, and a few of the freshmen stared at them and then went back to their conversations.

"You're funny, Bella," Edward said and beamed down at her. "I was going to ask you to come to a party on our floor. It's this Friday; you can drop by anytime after seven. We're on the second floor of Sherman – just follow the beat if you get lost. Bring a friend if you want to." He dragged one hand through his bronze-colored hair, making it stand on end. Bella noticed how it gave off pretty red highlights under the ceiling lights.

"It was nice talking to you, Bella. Now I've got to get going to swim practice, or coach will chew off my ear again about how I'm always late on Wednesdays." And just like that, he squeezed her upper arm briefly and went back to his table.

Bella felt her head spinning as she made for the door. Did Edward Cullen know her name? Did he just ask her to a party on Friday? She felt her arm tingle the whole way back to the dorm.

When Friday night rolled around, Bella put on her newest pair of skinny jeans and a dark green shirt that let some cleavage peek through when she left the top three buttons undone, blushing even as she decided to unbutton them. Jessica walked in while Bella was brushing out her hair, making it shine in the lamplight, and she immediately stopped dead in her tracks.

"You're going out. I don't believe it. Where are you going on a Friday night, Bella?"

"Um, just this party I heard about over at Sherman. It's no big deal."

Jessica squealed. "A party? On one of the frat floors, maybe? Excellent! I'm coming, too. Just give me five minutes."

An hour later, the two girls were winding their way upstairs in Sherman Hall, following the sound of the thumping bass. Girls and guys were going up and down, but it wasn't until they walked onto the Delta Sigma Phi floor that the party really started. Most of the doors were open, music was pouring from several rooms and there was a keg that someone had smuggled in standing on the desk in one of the rooms. A cute blond guy dressed in jeans and a school swim team t-shirt offered Bella and Jessica each a red plastic cup.

Jessica gave the cute guy a big smile while Bella took her cup hesitantly, sipping it and then wrinkling her nose at the thin, bitter taste. Jessica leaned in and whispered:

"Now, when we see Edward, you've got to introduce me right away. Tell him that I want a date with him. Well, not in an obvious way, of course, but tell him how nice I am and what a great time he would have with me. You know? That's what girlfriends do."

Bella really doubted it was a roommate's duty to lie through her teeth for someone just because they happened to share a room. But she couldn't think of a single thing to say that would stop Jessica from throwing herself at Edward. She had a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. Maybe it would be best to just disappear into a bathroom and leave Jessica to fend for herself?

Bella started drifting down the hallway as Jessica stopped to chat with another freshman girl she seemed to know, whose skirt rivaled Jessica's for lack of material. Just as Bella was nearing the exit sign for the other stairwell, however, someone grabbed her arm. She spun around, yanking her arm out of the hand that grabbed her, then flushed when she saw that it was Edward.

He was wearing a green shirt that made his eyes shimmer green as grass and a smile that made Bella forget what she was doing. He toasted her cup with the beer bottle in his hand.

"Bella! You came."

"Um, yes, but actually I was just …" Bella edged backwards towards the exit, but as she felt the metal handle in the small of her back, Edward's hand shot out. Before she knew it, she was walking back the way she came, her hand clutched in his.

Everyone seemed to know Edward; guys nodded at him and girls smiled, and their eyes drifted across her curiously before Edward pulled her into the doorway of a comparatively quiet room. It was unoccupied except for a couple kissing on a bed, and Bella stopped on the threshold and quickly averted her eyes as Edward walked across the floor, ignoring the couple, and started rummaging through a tiny fridge.

"What would you like to drink, Bella?" Bella stared in confusion at the plastic mug in her hand but put it down on the floor of the hallway with distaste.

"Do you have a soda? Anything would be fine."

Edward smiled over his shoulder, and it was enough to send an electric current buzzing through her blood. Her breath and pulse quickened. _I'm here. At a party. With Edward._

"Is this your room?" she asked for something to say, looking around. It was relatively tidy for a guy's dormitory room and bigger than the one she shared with Jessica. There were the standard two beds and two desks, two expensive-looking leather armchairs, unfamiliar black-and-white photographic posters, a guitar in a corner. She liked it.

Edward handed her a Coke bottle and leaned against the doorway across from her, his body mere inches away and his fragrance wafting towards her, intoxicating. He smelled woodsy and sweet, soap, cigarette smoke and boy. She sipped at her soda, glancing up at him through her lashes. His sexy smile wavered, then came back in full force as he stared at her face.

"You look pretty, Bella," he said appreciatively, making her blush. "The room? Yes, I share it with Jasper. You know Jasper? Blond guy, my height, annoying drawl? Which reminds me …" He turned towards the couple on the bed, who were kissing with abandon, seemingly oblivious of the company.

"Hey! Taylor! Take that party to your own room! You turn me off my beer."

A dark-haired guy lifted his face long enough to answer, "Man, give me a break! The keg's in my room, for fuck's sake." The girl he was making out with seemed to come to her senses and jerked on his arm, glancing over at Edward, uncomfortable.

"Come on, Taylor. We can go to my floor. Lorena isn't around." Taylor swore but pulled down his t-shirt and let himself be dragged off the bed and out the door, scowling at Edward as he passed.

"You owe me, man. Big time," was his last remark before he walked away with his girl.

Edward smiled down at Bella, and she noticed the little fan of smile wrinkles and the way his long fingers wrapped around his beer bottle. There was a sliver of skin visible where his shirt had ridden up, and she caught a glimpse of his toned stomach. Everything about him seemed to draw her in.

"So, tell me about yourself, Bella. What do you do in your free time? Where are you from? Where do you think you'll be ten years from now?" She gazed up into his handsome face, incredulous. But maybe this was one of his techniques to get girls to melt. And it was obviously working …

She found herself rambling on about her dull life back in Forks, population 3, 445, with a single dad who worked as Chief of Police. She told this strange boy about her love of books and cooking, her hopes of getting a master's degree in Psychology. All the while, Edward was watching her, alternately peeling the label from his beer bottle with nimble fingers or sucking on it with sensuous lips, distracting her.

Just as she was running out of steam and felt as if she was starting to make a fool out of herself, Jessica descended on them, squealing and breathless, leaning past Bella to shake Edward's hand.

"Hello there! I'm Bella's roommate, Jessica! I'm so pleased to finally meet you. I've heard so much about you. Have you told Edward about me, Bella?" The sharp nudge of an elbow brought Bella back to reality. She blushed.

"Oh, right. Yes, I was just telling Edward how much fun we've been having together since the beginning of the semester." She shot him a pleading look, begging him with her eyes not to betray her. He looked startled, and she could see his eyes darting between her and Jessica. Then a practiced smile stretched his mouth, and he smoothly maneuvered Bella to his other side, out of Jessica's way.

"Jessica? Yes, I'm very pleased to meet you. Any friend of Bella's is a friend of mine. Are you enjoying college, Jessica?"

Bella took a deep breath and quickly finished her soda while Jessica prattled on about her social life and her classes. It wasn't until Bella found Jessica's eyes burning into her own that she realized she was supposed to contribute, too. With a jolt, she straightened up, excruciatingly aware of Edward's tall, warm body next to hers, his hip touching hers as he shifted his weight.

"Um, Edward, do you … you know, date?" Bella asked hesitantly. Edward's eyes flew around, and he stared at her with the look of a rabbit caught in the headlights of a car. He cleared his voice before answering, casual-sounding but slightly wary. "Well, I don't have a lot of time for dating, but I'm always prepared to make an exception. What did you have in mind?"

Bella looked down at her feet, then up at Edward, confused and embarrassed. _He didn't actually think she was asking for herself, did he? _

"Because Jessica has been telling me how sure she is that the two of you would get along absolutely great, and it would be so much fun if you would go out together." The words came out quickly like beads clicking together on a piece of string, and Edward looked as confused as Bella felt. Jessica closed in for the kill.

"Yes! Oh, that would be so awesome, Edward. How about Saturday? Are you free tomorrow night, or would another weekend be better for you?" Edward looked trapped, pressed against the door with his almost empty beer bottle clasped between white-knuckled fingers.

It was then that the cute guy reappeared with refills, and Bella realized who it was. The other handsome, shirtless guy who hung out with Edward: the smirker with the drawl. Jasper - Edward's roommate.

"How are we doing for drinks, ladies?" He frowned disapprovingly at Bella's empty soda bottle and pushed a new plastic cup filled with beer at her. "You shouldn't accept drinks from strange guys, really. You never know what Edward puts in there. Here. Have one on me instead." His blue eyes were filled with laughter, and Bella couldn't help smiling back at him as she accepted the beer. Edward seemed unamused, but passed the other cup to Jessica without comment.

Jessica was smiling, tossing her curly hair and looked almost cross-eyed, trying to flirt with two gorgeous seniors at once.

"Jasper, isn't it?" she simpered. "I was just saying to Edward that I would totally be free to go out tomorrow night. It's next week you have the swim meet, right? So you're free this weekend?"

Bella felt her eyesight blurring and took a steadying gulp of her cold beer. Jessica's nervous energy made her jumpy, and standing in the middle of so much testosterone appeared to be affecting her blood pressure. Everyone was talking over her head, and the sounds of the party were getting ever louder. Before she knew how it happened, Jasper was planning a double date for the four of them.

"What?! Do you mean, like, a date? With whom?" Jasper placed his hand on the door beside her head and leaned in, smiling. She could see a star-burst of lighter grey in the blue of his eyes and feel the smell of his cologne. It wasn't unpleasant, but she felt hypnotized, unable to look away. He _was_ very pretty, for a boy.

"You and me, girl, and Captain Edward and sweet Jessica over here. Don't worry, just a trip downtown tomorrow to eat something decent and catch a movie together. Coach won't want us to stay out all night. Swim practice on Saturday _and_ Sunday afternoon, after all." Jasper was smirking at her now, his accent more pronounced.

"So, what do you say, Bella?"

She darted a look over at Jessica, who had slipped her arm under Edward's and was staring back at her, wide-eyed and smiling like a kid on Christmas morning. Edward looked down at Jessica's pink cheeks and bouncing curls with something like wonder, and Bella felt her heart sink.

"Great," she said weakly. "That's wonderful. What time do you want to leave?"

It wasn't until after they came back to campus from their double date that things got really awkward. Edward was driving with Jessica riding shotgun, chattering away, while Bella stayed slumped in the backseat, listening gratefully but with half an ear to Jasper's humorous conversation.

She had to admit that she'd had a good time as Jasper's date. He was courteous, funny and thoughtful. He'd held her hand and touched her casually without trying to grope her. His blond hair, that was slightly too long, made her want to reach out and tuck it around his ear, but the gesture felt too intimate, so she resisted.

Still, she'd had an even harder time resisting Edward. Once in a while, she'd found herself staring at him, oblivious of what was really going on around them. Staring at his mouth, his chiseled chin, his beautiful eyes and tousled hair. He was just … too perfect. And tonight he belonged to Jessica. It made her stomach churn and her throat burn.

In the theater, she and Jessica sat next to each other, but even while Bella had been fishing out popcorn from the bowl between her and Jasper, trying to follow the movie, she'd been completely aware of where Edward was sitting. It was as if she were a camera and his body heat flashed red on her screen. The whole situation was distracting and embarrassing. Why didn't she have any self control?

As soon as Edward parked the car, Jessica put her hand on his arm. "Will you walk me back to my room, Edward? You haven't seen my room, have you?"

Bella felt her heart sink even further. "_It's my room, too!"_ she wanted to shout, but Jessica had prepped her for this situation before they left for the evening.

"Um, I'm feeling kind of full still after dinner. I think I'll stretch my legs before going to bed. I'll say good night here, if that's all right?" Bella looked at Jasper, whose face was partly obscured in the shadows and slanting light from the street. His mouth curled up in a smile.

"I'll walk with you if I may, Bella. It's a bit late to let a lady wander around in the dark alone, don't you think?" In a flash he was out of the car and came around to open her door and help her out. Bella stumbled against him as she unfolded her body, but he caught her arm gently, righting her. She dared to cast a quick glance over at Jessica and Edward but looked away when she saw Jessica leaning into Edward's side, her head on his arm.

"Good night, Jasper! Thank you for a wonderful night! I'll see you later, Bella…" Jessica's emphasis on the word _later _made Bella wonder just how long she was expected to wander around campus in the autumn cold. She hunched her shoulders against the chilly wind and started walking aimlessly in the general direction of the lake. Jasper quickly caught up with her and put an arm around her shoulder, pulling her in to protect her against the wind.

"So, do you want to go somewhere in particular? Or are you just being a good friend to Jessica?" he asked her with a smile in his voice.

Bella sighed. "Is it that obvious? Well, Jessica did say she wanted some time alone with Edward, so this was the best we could do." She hesitated. "Do you think there's anywhere we could just hang out for half an hour or so? It's so cold."

Jasper's arm tightened around her shoulder. "If you don't mind, we could go hang out in mine and Edward's room for a while. That way, you'll know when he comes back and the coast is clear."

Bella had time to think of just how depressing it would feel if Edward turned up an hour or so later, with kiss-swollen lips and sex hair, but she could see the sense in Jasper's suggestion.

"Okay. But you live on a male floor. Is it allowed for you to have girls over this late at night?" She glanced up at Jasper's pale face under the street lights and caught him looking at her thoughtfully. He shrugged.

"Our RA doesn't make a lot of fuss as long as we don't have girlfriends who stay the night." He pulled gently at her long hair, which was whipped around her face by the wind from the water. Bella fumbled in her pocket for a hair band and quickly twisted her hair into a pony tail, pulling away from Jasper to do it. He stuck his hands deep into his coat pockets and walked backwards ahead of her with the wind at his back.

"For the record, though, we don't have a girl parade going through our room if that's what you're thinking. Edward told you the truth when he said we don't have much time for dating. We're serious guys, Bella, and you seem like a serious girl." His smirk seemed genuine enough, and Bella took a couple of deep breaths as he unlocked the door to their dorm, held it open for her and led the way up the stairs.

After taking her coat and offering her a bottle of water, Jasper lounged on his bed while Bella sank into an arm chair, taking in all the details of the room that seemed to belong to Edward. She could even feel a whiff of his smell and longed to bury her face in the pillow on his bed to confirm it.

"So, have you been Edward's roommate long?"

Jasper changed position on the bed, looking away from her. "We've known each other since we were eleven or twelve when I moved up north with my family from Atlanta and joined the swim team." Bella's eyes widened. She'd never kept a friend that long.

"Are you … I mean, are you best friends?" she asked hesitantly.

Jasper's smile was shy. "I guess you could say that. We've been through a lot together. What about you and Jessica?"

Bella shrugged, and tried hard to push away the unwelcome image of Jessica making out with Edward on her bed. "No, we met here during freshman week when we were assigned as roommates. I'm from the Pacific Northwest, so I don't really know anyone around here."

"Will you be going home for Thanksgiving then?" Jasper seemed genuinely curious.

Bella swallowed the lump in her throat. "No, I don't think so. Jessica has invited me to go home with her since her family lives just outside Chicago. I grew up with a single dad, and I can't afford to go home for every holiday. I'm saving the money for Christmas."

Bella knew that Charlie, her dad, was struggling to give her all the cash he could spare, but there was no sense in going across the country for anything less than two weeks. For Christmas, she would be working in the Newtons' store and hopefully make the cost of her airfare and something to spare for next semester.

"Where's your mother, then?" The frank question threw Bella, as did the direct blue gaze that Jasper gave her. She felt her face heating up.

"Oh. Well, she and my dad divorced when I was just a baby. I stayed with her when I was little, but when she died, my dad took over." She steeled herself for the pity that usually followed this information.

"You lost your mother? I'm sorry to hear that, Bella." Jasper's voice was kind, but when she looked at him, there was none of the awkwardness she'd learned to expect. He hesitated, then continued,

"You know, Edward lost his parents in a plane crash when he was thirteen."

There was a sudden quiet in the room. Bella didn't know what to say. It didn't fit with her image of Edward as the perfect golden boy. He didn't seem damaged, the way she felt herself to be. But then she realized he probably didn't need to blame himself for his parents' death. A plane crash was like an act of God, random and inexplicable. Suicide was tainted. And a mother who killed herself just to get away from her kid – now that was the saddest thing possible. Bella felt suddenly chilled and pulled her legs up under her. Wearing a borrowed skirt in November just to look good on a date seemed like a huge mistake now.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know that," she mumbled. "Who took care of him, then?"

Jasper clasped his hands on his legs and looked at her as if he were judging her reaction. "His uncle and aunt have been his legal guardians, and they help him take care of the family estate until he turns 21. They're nice people, and they've been good to me, too." Jasper leaned forward, his eyes intense. "Edward doesn't talk about it with everyone, though. So you shouldn't either."

Bella shook her head, offended. "Of course not. But why are you telling _me_, then?"

Jasper's smile was faint but it made his expression much softer. "Because everything shouldn't be a secret, Bella, and because I think you care about Edward, too."

At that moment, the door swung open, and Edward himself walked in, bringing a breath of cold outdoor air from his clothes into the warm room. He stared at them for a moment as if he couldn't understand what they were doing there, then sighed and pulled his hand through his hair.

"So this is where you're hiding out, Bella. Look, I'm sorry I've kept you from your bed like this. Come on. I'll walk you back to your dorm." He jerked his head in the direction of the hallway, and Bella was too dumbfounded by his presence to do anything but jump up and scramble to put on her coat and boots.

Jasper was on his feet by then and put his arms around her briefly in a goodbye hug. His warm lips brushed her cheek as he said, "Good night, Bella. Thank you for tonight. Maybe we can do it again sometime, just you and me?"

She could see his eyes twinkling with mischief and understood that he was just teasing her, so she smiled back and replied sarcastically, "Oh yes please. Let's make this a regular thing!"

Then, Edward was unceremoniously yanking her arm to get her moving, and she felt chastised, thinking he was probably tired and would be happy to have this whole awkward evening over. She left quickly without further conversation. He ushered her down the stairs, held the front door open for her and walked by her side quietly for a minute, then stopped and touched her shoulder to make her wait.

"Look, Bella. This evening didn't turn out very well. Before you see Jessica, I want you to know that I told her I won't be doing this again. Coach has asked me to give my full attention to the team this last year, and I don't want to mess up." He was standing under a street-light, and it cast dramatic shadows under his cheekbones and made his eyes look dark and haunted. He still held his hand on her shoulder, unconsciously holding her in place.

"Jasper told me that the two of you don't … date regularly. I don't, either. This was Jessica's idea, really." Bella thought her voice sounded hollow and fake in her own ears. Edward made a face.

"I don't know what you've heard, but last year I was in this relationship that really went to hell in a very public way, and it took a lot of energy and focus away from everything else. I'm not a monk; nor is Jasper, but we have to get our priorities straight. If I do things right, coach thinks I might be eligible for the Olympics in two years." Edward took a deep breath and pulled his free hand through his hair, making it stand on end even more.

"Edward," Bella said slowly, "why are you telling me this? You don't have to explain yourself to me. I'm sorry if this was a bad idea. I'll ask Jessica not to bother you again."

Edward groaned. "I'm not blaming any of this on you, Bella! I just want you to know that I'd really like for us to be … friends, and I don't want this stupid night to get in the way of our friendship. Can you do that, Bella? Would you be my friend?"

His eyes caught the light as he tilted his head in a gesture of pleading, and she was stunned once again by his intensity and beauty. Friends? She would give him anything he wanted. Bella felt her breath hitch as she squeaked out, "Of course we can be friends, Edward!" then blushed at her own eagerness.

Edward didn't seem to notice, though. He squeezed her shoulder as an expression of relief flitted over his face, then let his arm fall down and started walking again. She speeded up her steps and followed him, too shy to speak. When they reached her dorm, he waited patiently while she fumbled with the keypad, then smiled and waved while she looked at him through the glass door as it fell shut.

Jessica was already in bed when she slipped in but lifted her head to peer at Bella, her eyes red-rimmed.

"Are you okay?" Bella whispered, hesitant. Jessica shrugged, then burrowed down under the covers again.

"I guess. Remind me never to go on a date with Edward Cullen again, though. That fucker is definitely gay."

"He didn't … I mean, he didn't hurt you or anything?" Bella couldn't imagine Edward doing anything bad to a girl like Jessica, but there are different kinds of hurt.

"He acted all prissy like a virgin and told me he couldn't date anyone because he 'had too much on his plate this year.' As if I'd asked him to marry me or something! I just wanted to have a good time, that's all. Turn out the light, will you?" Jessica muttered and turned her back to Bella, effectively ending the conversation.

As Bella struggled into her pajamas in the dark and pulled the cool sheet around her, she relaxed and let a small wave of relief wash through her. _Thank God for small favors._

In the weeks that followed, Edward made good on his word to be Bella's friend. He sat down with her for meals in the cafeteria every so often, drawing sullen glares from Jessica. He came over and talked to her in the library every Wednesday and sometimes walked with her across campus even when it was clear he had no reason to be going her way. Both he and Jasper seemed to enjoy teasing her, and she was by turns exasperated and proud of how much she managed to make them laugh.

It was Jasper who suggested that she come study in their room with them some nights after their swim practice, instead of walking back from the library late on her own. Bella imagined that this was like having a couple of elder brothers, without the yelling and shoving. Every time Edward's text made her phone vibrate, her whole body thrilled. "Where R U?" She didn't tell Jessica about the nights she took her books to Sherman instead of the library. It was hard enough to explain the fact that she wasn't "stealing" Edward from anyone by having lunch at the same table with him several times a week.

It was strange how quickly their study nights fell into a routine, Bella taking Edward's desk while Edward lounged on his bed or slung his long legs sideways across the leather chair and Jasper alternating between his desk and the floor. Jasper wanted Twizzlers when he was studying for a test; Edward preferred M&Ms. They both teased Bella for her disgusting habit of sucking thoughtfully on a spoon of peanut butter while she was concentrating hard on a textbook, claiming that it stunk up their room.

The only drawback was that Bella had to run down two flights of stairs to be able to use the bathroom on the ground floor. The guys in the neighboring rooms seemed to take her continued presence on their floor in stride. She learned to avert her eyes and duck away whenever someone walked down the hall from the showers with only a towel around his waist as coverage and ignored the occasional catcall.

Sometimes she would watch Edward when he wasn't looking her way and drink in the soft bronze glow of his hair in the lamplight, the curve of his cheek or his pouty red lips. Once she caught Jasper watching her watching Edward, and it was something about his expression she couldn't interpret. Curiosity, yes, but more than that - a certain sadness. She swallowed, thinking that maybe Jasper had seen through her and pitied her for her deepening crush on someone she could never have.

What would it be like to be Jasper, she wondered, Edward's best friend, the one who had shared his life for so long and knew all his thoughts and feelings? She imagined going to sleep in the same room, dressing and undressing together, talking about conquests, family and problems. But what if maybe boys didn't share the way girls did? Maybe Edward was still as much of an enigma to Jasper as he was to her, while Bella, on the other hand, knew way more about her roommate's life than she really wanted to.

Thanksgiving at the Stanleys' house in Naperville was loud and crowded. Bella had to sleep on a mattress in Jessica's room, and the basement was filled with visiting cousins, fighting each other over the game controls and making a mess of the bedding stacked in a corner during the day. Mrs. Stanley was kind but distracted, and very happy when Bella offered to help with the cooking and cleaning, letting her make the pies.

When Mr. Stanley offered to drive them back to school a day early, Jessica whined but Bella gratefully accepted, relieved to be leaving a house full of relatives she didn't know. She asked Mrs. Stanley if she could bring some leftovers and tucked a couple of pieces of pecan and pumpkin pie in a container to bring the boys a surprise.

As they pulled in at the parking lot near the dorm, it was already getting dark, and some windows were lit up even if the majority of rooms still seemed to be unoccupied. Mr. Stanley offered to help them carry the bags upstairs, but Bella quickly told him to leave it to her and go get a cup of coffee with his daughter instead before heading home. As soon as she'd dropped the bags in their room, she pulled out the pie and jumped to her feet again. She'd seen the light in Jasper and Edward's window.

The floor was unusually quiet when she pushed the door open and walked down the hall, and for a minute Bella felt as if she shouldn't be there. Then the RA, Emmett, popped out of his room, dressed in sweats and a hood, carrying a bag of Doritos.

"Hey, Bella-boo! Did you have a good Thanksgiving?" He swept her up in a bear hug that almost made her feet lose contact with the floor and dropped her down again, grinning and patting her on the head as if she were a toddler.

"Um, yeah. Great, Emmett. How about you?" She smoothed her sweater down and straightened her hair. There was just no resisting Emmett. He rolled his eyes and put his hand on his flat stomach.

"Oh, you know, eating too much and seeing too many relatives at once can really do a number on a man's digestion, so I came back early to wind down and get back to normal." He waved the bag of Doritos around in the air. "Want some?"

Bella blushed. "No, actually I just dropped by to see if Edward and Jasper had returned." She held up the container. "I brought some homemade pie."

Emmett groaned. "Lucky for you I've got pie coming out of my ears right now, or I would have confiscated that as contraband. I love pie, normally, but go right ahead. I haven't seen Edward, but Jasper came back last night. I don't know if he's in – haven't seen him all day."

Bella started backing down the hall, smiling apologetically. "Well, I saw there was a light on in their room, so if you don't mind, I'll just go knock and see who's there?"

Emmett waved her on, ripping the bag open as he retreated to his room.

"Go ahead. Be my guest. And if no one's there, my offer still stands, Baby-Bell."

Bella couldn't help grinning as she walked up and knocked on the door. Sure, it was a disappointment that Edward wasn't here yet, but Jasper would probably know when he was due back. She waited, then knocked again, frowning. She was sure she'd seen the light in the window. She pressed her ear against the door. She thought she heard a thump and muffled noise.

Concerned, she banged harder on the door. "Jasper? Jasper, are you in there? Is everything okay? Jasper, can you hear me?" The noise didn't get the door open but brought Emmett out of his room again, chewing with his mouth full.

"Whadsdemadder?" he said, jogging down the hall to her. Bella shook her head, starting to feel a little panicky.

"I don't know. I think someone's in there because I heard a noise, but no one comes to the door when I knock and call. Could he be in there sick with the flu or something?" Emmett banged his big fist against the door, making the whole thing shake, then turned around and ran back to his room, returning swiftly with a key.

"I've got the master key for emergencies," he explained to Bella. "Jasper! Listen man. It's Emmett. I'm coming in now!" he yelled, shoving the door open and stepping inside. A smell of sickness immediately assaulted Bella's nose, and she clapped her hand across her nose as she stepped into the room.

Jasper was lying half on the floor, half on his bed, and had dragged his bedclothes with him. He'd vomited on the floor. Emmett started swearing, then knelt beside Jasper, taking his pulse and feeling his forehead, checking his breathing.

"He doesn't have a temperature, but he's clearly sick as a dog. Do you have a phone, Bella? Call an ambulance right away," he continued when she nodded.

While Bella dialed, her eyes darted around the room. Was he dehydrated? Did he have any water with him? Had he been lying like this since last night? Her gaze fell on a quart of vodka and what looked like prescription medicine on his desk. She felt her stomach plummet and her mouth go dry. _Oh no. Not again_. When the operator came through, she quickly handed the phone to Emmett, thinking he would be more clearheaded. She carefully skirted around Jasper on the floor to get to the desk.

With trembling hands, she picked up the empty pill bottles. Sedatives. Sleeping pills. A woman's name – could it be his mother? The bottle of vodka was half empty, but there was no way of knowing if it had been full to begin with. How long since he took them? A day? A day and a night? A few hours? Well, he was still breathing; she could hear his horrible, rasping breaths. Would he survive? Would there be kidney failure or brain damage? Bella felt her head spinning, but she waved the pill bottles at Emmett to get his attention.

"Emmett, tell them he took these pills with alcohol. I think he tried to kill himself. They need to hurry." Bella quickly ran to the bathroom down the hall and poured water into a paper mug and wet a towel with shaking hands. Returning to Jasper, she covered up the vomit on the floor with a sheet thinking that she'd deal with it later, and started cleaning Jasper's face and mouth. She helped Emmett to put him down in the correct position with his face to the side so he could breathe more easily and not choke on his vomit should he throw up again.

Emmett ran downstairs to let the paramedics in, and by this time, security had arrived too. Bella watched helplessly as Jasper was put on a stretcher and taken downstairs. Emmett clutched her arm as they ran down the stairs together.

"You ride with him in the ambulance to the hospital, Bella. I need to call his family. I have a car; I'll come as soon as I've told them where he is."

"Edward." Bella stumbled over the words, before climbing into the back of the ambulance with the paramedic. "Please tell Edward, Emmett."

It was many hours later, and Emmett was slumped on a plastic chair, holding a cooling cup of thin, brown coffee while Bella paced around the waiting room, staring at the television on the wall as if she expected news of Jasper to appear there. Jasper's parents, the Whitlocks, had arrived and been shown to some inner sanctum where family members were allowed to wait, nearer to where everything was happening. Emmett had suggested that they should go back to campus and that he would tell Bella as soon as he heard from Jasper's family, but Bella wasn't ready to go yet.

Images and voices were shooting around her mind, making it impossible for her to sit quietly or to imagine going back to the dark dorm. "…_an overdose of sleeping pills…" "…tragic depression…" "…poor little girl…"_ She tried to tell herself that everything about this was different from her mother's death. Irrationally, she felt that if she could only stay here in this dreary waiting room and not give up, things would somehow turn out okay. This time, she wouldn't let go.

Emmett stood up and stretched his massive body, throwing away the coffee in the trash can.

"I'm just going outside for a few minutes to check my phone, Bella. Will you be okay?"

Bella looked at him gratefully. "Yeah, sure. Thank you, Emmett. For, you know, being here."

He shook his head and smiled at her. "No worries. There's nowhere else I'd rather be," he said quietly, patting her on the head gently before exiting through the doors to the lobby.

When the doors opened a minute later, Bella expected Emmett but found herself staring into Edward's panicked green gaze. His hair was standing on end crazily, and his shirt had come untucked and was flapping around his waist under his open jacket.

"How is he?" He was standing over her in a flash, gripping her arms almost painfully, smelling of wintry air and gasoline. Bella shook her head carefully and tried not to let his panic communicate itself to her.

"We don't know for sure, Edward, because they haven't told us anything yet, but his family is in there with him. I'm sure they would let us know as soon as there's news."

The next thing she knew she was crushed in his arms, her face pressed into his chest where she could feel his heart beating wildly. He was mumbling into her hair, holding her so tight she could barely breathe.

"Shit, this is my fault; I should have seen this coming. Fuck, how could I let him go home without … God, how his family must hate me." Bella squeezed his waist, wriggling gently to get him to ease up on his death-grip. Startled, he seemed to realize that he was holding her too tight and abruptly let go, taking a step back.

"I'm sorry. Bella, I shouldn't … I wasn't thinking. Are you all right? Were you with Emmett when he found him?" He was looking at her with concern now, his hands on her shoulders, and it was a dizzying experience to be in the laser focus of those intense green eyes. She tried to reply coherently.

"Yes, I was there. I'm okay, I guess. Look, Edward, what you were saying just now? How could it possibly be your fault? You don't really believe that, do you?" Emotions quickly flitted across his face, too fast to register, then he dropped his hands and turned away, walking away a couple of paces before turning around to face her again. His mouth was set in a hard line, and his eyes looked shuttered.

"I'm his fucking best friend, Bella. We _live _together. Don't you think I should have had a clue that Jasper was planning to kill himself?"

Bella shook her head, moving closer so that she could touch his arm tentatively, looking into his eyes.

"No, I don't think you should necessarily be able to read Jasper's mind just because he's your friend. Do you think you can read _my_ mind, Edward?" He started at that, and some of his defensiveness seemed to drop from him like a cloak. A small smile twisted his beautiful mouth.

"Oh, Bella, I never have a clue what you're thinking, however much I long to know." He sighed and took her hand, holding it between both of his.

"But Jasper and I have been like brothers for years. We had … an argument before we left for Thanksgiving. I was angry at him and at myself. I should have called him, but I thought we needed the time to simmer down before we tried talking about it again. I was clearly wrong." He gave a deep, shuddering sigh, tugging at his hair, and pulled Bella to the row of plastic chairs to sit down.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" Bella asked carefully, not sure if that was the right thing to say.

Edward leaned forward on his arms, hiding his face in his hands for a moment before speaking down to the grey linoleum floor.

"I don't know why, but I feel like you're the only person I _can_ tell. I was asking Jasper about his feelings for you, Bella, and it turned into an argument." He looked up at her quickly, then looked away again, seemingly embarrassed.

"I thought he might be falling in love with you, and I needed to know if he was going to do anything about it. When I was going through all that weirdness with Rosalie last year, he was there for me, but we promised each other after that we wouldn't mess up our last year of college with sex and drama. He told me I was jealous and a hypocrite."

Edward straightened up and looked around the empty and bleak waiting room, as if expecting Jasper to turn up and corroborate his story. Bella felt her insides churning and couldn't think of a single thing to say. When Edward turned to her, he looked pale but collected.

"He also told me that he was in love with _me_, and had been for some time." Edward's mouth twisted painfully. "I laughed at him first, but then I got mad. I told him he was bullshitting me. I would have known if my best friend was gay, wouldn't I? Then, he got even angrier and told me I was a homophobic son-of-a-bitch and that this was exactly the reason he'd never wanted to tell me."

Edward rubbed his hand across his mouth, as if trying to erase a bad taste. "I almost punched him in the face, I was that upset. Instead I just slammed out of there, and when I had cooled off some and came back an hour later, he'd taken his bag and his car and gone home for Thanksgiving."

Bella tried to process all this new information. "So, were you upset because Jasper was gay or because he hadn't told you before?"

Edward frowned. "Well, both, I guess? I mean, I've been living with this guy, getting naked in front of him, I've told him about my sex life, my problems, personal stuff I wouldn't tell a guy I thought would get turned on by me, much less someone who thought he was in love with me. It was weird. I felt betrayed."

Bella shook her head. "I still don't see how you could blame yourself for not stopping him. There's no way you could have known." She drew a deep breath. "It was lucky that we found him, but if you ask me I think it was selfish of him to do it in your room. It's almost as if he was planning for you to find him. That's a terrible thing to do to someone you love."

She could hear her voice begin to tremble, and felt mortified when she realized tears were leaking from the corners of her eyes. She wiped at them, mumbling, "Sorry. It's not my business, anyway."

Edward's arm was around her shoulders, and she found herself awkwardly pulled across the space between their chairs to lean against his chest again. His free hand came up and the pad of his thumb wiped gently under her eyes.

"Sure it is, Bella. Jasper is your friend, too. You mean more to him than I think you realize. He talks about you all the time. That's why I was beginning to think that he was falling in love with you, you know. And I'm sure you would have been a much less shitty friend than me if he'd told you he was in love with you."

"My mother killed herself," Bella blurted out, then put her hands across her face as if she could put the words back again. Edward's movements stilled, but he didn't let go of her. His voice didn't change.

"I'm sorry. When did it happen, Bella?" She found that not looking at him made talking easier.

"I was six. Mom had left me with a neighbor to go out on a date, but when we came looking for her at our house the next day, she had killed herself with pills. She must have planned the whole thing, making sure that no one would find her until it was too late. For the longest time I thought that I could have stopped it, that I should have known. I still feel like that sometimes. But the truth is I was just a kid Edward, and there was no way I could have done anything to stop her."

Bella cried harder. She could feel Edward clutching her with both arms, gently rocking her in that instinctive way people do to bring comfort to children and the bereaved. He was kissing the top of her head and murmuring her name.

Finally, the tears subsided. Bella sat up and fumbled for a tissue in her pocket, turning away from Edward to blow her nose and wipe her face.

It was at that moment that Mr. Whitlock walked into the waiting room, catching sight of Edward. Bella tried to make herself invisible as she watched Mr. Whitlock shake hands with Edward and pat his shoulder awkwardly, the man's face pale and drawn.

"I'm so glad to see you, Edward. Jasper is coming around, and he seems to be asking for you."

"Is he … will he be all right?" Edward's voice was trembling, and Bella stared, holding her breath.

Jasper's dad shook his head but smiled a tired smile. "There's no permanent damage as far as they can tell, but he's still very groggy. They'll keep him for observation until tomorrow, then we'll see what happens." He hesitated, shooting a look at Bella. "Did you find him? When Emmett called us he said something about a girl going along with the ambulance." Bella found her feet, and wiped her hand discreetly on her jeans before offering it to Mr. Whitlock.

"Hello, Mr. Whitlock, I'm Bella Swan. Yes, I found him. Is he really going to be okay?" She could feel the tears starting, from pure relief this time.

Jasper's dad swallowed, and his eyes darted between them. "Well, the doctors are saying that since it's a suicide attempt he will need a psych evaluation and counseling, most likely. We'll take him home with us when they'll let us and give him some time to rest up. He can get counseling closer to home." He looked at Edward. "I'm not sure if he'll be back for the rest of the semester, Edward, but we'll keep in touch of course. Now, would you like to come see him?" His eyes rested uncertainly on Bella for a moment. She shook her head.

"No, Jasper will want to see Edward, not me. Go ahead." She pushed gently on Edward's arm when he seemed to hesitate, and with a last look at her, Edward followed Mr. Whitlock through the doors to the intensive care unit. Bella felt her knees give way under her and fell into a chair, completely spent.

When Emmett came back and found Bella red-faced and disheveled, slumped on a chair, he insisted on driving her home

"Now, we all know that Jasper's going to make it through the night, and he's got Edward and his family with him. Why don't you get some rest, and we'll call the hospital in the morning and see how he's doing?" Bella felt reluctant to leave, but also guilty about keeping Emmett around. Finally, she agreed to go with him after asking a nurse to please tell the Whitlocks that she and Emmett had left.

She snuck into her room and realized with shock that Jessica was there, sleeping as if nothing had happened. She checked her phone. There was a message from Edward, from earlier this evening, probably when he was on his way to the hospital. "I'm on my way. Bella, please be there when I get there. E."

After washing her face and lying in bed in the darkness for a long time, unable to sleep, she heard a faint scratching at the door. Almost stumbling over her tangled bedclothes, she opened the door a crack and was startled when she saw Edward's face inches from her own.

"Bella, please, could I talk to you for just a minute?" His whisper was urgent, and for a minute her heart clenched painfully in her chest. She slipped outside and pulled the door closed behind her. Edward nodded down the hall to the Common Room.

"Would you sit down with me? I only need five minutes." She nodded and ducked her head, walking beside him, suddenly uncomfortably aware of her old pajamas and sleep socks that made her look about four years old.

As they sank down on the battered couch, not bothering to turn on the overhead lights, Bella whispered, "Is it Jasper?"

For a minute Edward looked confused; then he shook his head.

"No, everything was unchanged when I left the hospital. We talked a little, but he was really tired and out of it. They told us he needed to sleep it off and rest. He'll be okay, I think." He drew a deep breath.

"What I wanted to say was, I wasn't finished. There's something more I need to tell you, Bella." He reached out and took her hand, played with the fingers as if he were counting them or memorizing their shape, not meeting her eyes. She shivered at his touch.

"I haven't been straight with you. Do you remember when I talked to you in the library that first time?" He gave her a quick glance just to catch her confirming nod.

"Well, I'd been getting up my nerve to talk to you for a long time, then. I tried to think of a pretext to talk to you, but you seemed to be running away from me every time I came near you. When you actually came to the party, I was so excited, but I didn't want to scare you away." He squeezed her hand.

"I almost died when you tried to fix me up with Jessica. I've never been so frustrated in my entire life. Jasper was laughing at me because he knew very well how much I'd been obsessing about you. I could gladly have killed him when he walked off with you and left me alone with Jessica."

Bella felt her mouth going dry and goose-bumps rising all over her arms.

"Wait, what are you saying, Edward? Have you been interested in me this whole time? Why didn't you tell me?"

He swallowed. "Well, you see, it was true what I told you. Rosalie and me, we were … incompatible I guess you could say. It pretty much turned me off sex for a while, so when coach started griping about girls being too much of a distraction, I kind of went with that idea."

He looked at her through his dark lashes, and Bella couldn't believe that someone as desirable as he was could be 'turned off sex'. Edward was walking sex incarnate. She blushed, thankful she'd never spoken those particular words out loud.

"So, between me deciding not to date and you seeming to be scared shitless every time I came near you, I decided it would be a smart thing to get to know you as a friend first. You know, pull dating off the table to make sure I wasn't freaking you out. Only … it's been really hard these past few weeks, being around you and not being able to do anything about it." Edward scooted a few inches closer to her on the couch and reached out to twist a strand of soft dark hair around his finger. Bella felt mesmerized, unable to move.

"So, now, with everything that's happened with Jasper, it's made me realize that I need to be more honest with you and everyone I care about. I care about you, Bella. A lot. Do you think it's possible that you would consider going out with me?" When Bella remained quiet, Edward quickly continued.

"That is, theoretically speaking of course. You don't have to say yes or no to a date tonight. I just couldn't go to bed before telling you how I feel. I couldn't bear it if I lost you and you didn't even know what you meant to me."

Bella felt as if the whole room was gently revolving around her, and maybe that small, tilting movement was what pushed her against Edward so that she slowly put her hand against his chest and leaned into him, kissing him.

It was the softest, sweetest of kisses, just petal soft lips moving gently against each other. Not even when Edward grasped her and pulled her into his arms did it become anything but soft and needy. Butterfly kisses, touching, lingering, then lifting over lips and cheeks and eyes. Hammering heartbeats. Hands that tangled into hair and fumbled for purchase against melting bodies, trying to find a hold on a world that was quickly slipping away.

Bella had never made out on a couch before, and it was heavenly. When she finally lifted her head from Edward's, he was lying on his back on the couch, still in his jacket, and she was sprawled on top of him, still in her rumpled kids' pajamas. They were both breathing heavily, and Bella's lips felt swollen and tender. The sweet taste of Edward's tongue was in her mouth, and she couldn't wait to taste it again.

"Wow." Edward's voice was hoarse, and he pulled Bella's head down to lie nestled beneath his chin. "I mean … just wow. Is that a yes, then?"

"I'm sorry," Bella whispered, suddenly unsure. "Maybe I shouldn't …" she tried to wriggle into an upright position, but Edward's strong arms firmly refused to let go.

"Don't move. Everything's fine, Bella. Better than fine, actually." He kissed the top of her head, then gently sat up and swung his legs off the couch so that she was sitting on his lap. She wriggled a little, almost sure she could feel his erection, and got rewarded with a little "Hmpfh!" from Edward as he moved her off of him.

"Okay, I think I'm putting dating back on the table, Bella, and that's official." There was laughter in his voice, and there was no way she could feel embarrassed with his arms around her and his boy fragrance all over her hands and face.

"So, what happens now?" she whispered sleepily, the immense weight of the day and night's events finally hitting her hard.

Edward's voice was a warm lull in her ear, silky and sweet. "Now, Miss Swan, I'm going to carry you back to your bed, if you can't walk on your own two feet, and then we're both going to sleep. Tomorrow, we'll see how Jasper is doing and if he wants to see us, and then we'll take it from there. But I'm telling you right now, Bella: before Christmas break, I'm going to take you out on at least one decent date. And Jessica can't come."

That night, as Bella felt sleep envelop her, it struck her suddenly how strangely light she felt. All her life, she'd been struggling with the feeling of just barely holding the darkness at bay because it was her duty not to give in to it like her mother did. Now, for the first time, in the middle of sadness and worry, she felt absolutely sure that nothing could ever stop the sun from rising in the morning. Because tonight she knew that Edward Cullen would be there to pull away the curtains and make her see the light.


End file.
